i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
