i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
