I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
