she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
