just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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