I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
