No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
