one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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