I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
