so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
