$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
