Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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