That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
