im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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