the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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