i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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