In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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