I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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