i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
