My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just gargled with NyQuil
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
