Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
