dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
