pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
