just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
