I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
