She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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