Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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