so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
