this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize