Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
