Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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