what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
