Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
