Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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