He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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