I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
