Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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