Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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