all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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