your parents love me but you hate me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
