ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
