yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
