I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
