Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
