community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
