Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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