Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
