I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
