I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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