So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
