Got a toothbrush?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize