I want to walk on stilts...naked
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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