why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
