And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
