I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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