She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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