I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
