You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
