so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize