it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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