I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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