I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
