I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
