You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
