she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
