What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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