So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize