There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
