My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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