My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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