I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
