So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
