Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
