Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
