Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
