i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
