Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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