just tell him i said nine months
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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