I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
