I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
