If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
