are you so shy because you have an std?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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