this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
