I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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