I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
