It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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