I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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