I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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